Yes, I miss war

Okay, first things first. If you don’t know me, I am a US Army veteran who served 12 years of active duty and 3 years in the Army National Guard. Nothing is more exciting than the military was, and as somebody who served for 15 years, I miss it. Yes, the military is its own machine, and I find myself with the Iran war, wanting to participate. I am an action junkie, and therefore, the “thrill” of combat and the uncertainty drive me to play war games on the laptop I’m writing this blog from. Don’t get me wrong, serving under Trump and the DUI Hire, Hegseth, is too much to stomach. Personally, I would serve under a Republican president (Bush during my Iraq tour), and a Democrat president (I served when Obama was still president). I don’t care, but the missteps and ability to frame Iran as “we won” is getting a bit too much.

But how does that all mesh? I don’t mind serving under a sane president, one who has some method or at least a plan. Iraq was haphazard, and the repercussions admittedly aren’t felt as much as maybe Afghanistan. The only issue I had was Iraq was the dearth (though it was beyond my control as a young Sergeant) of kicking in doors, and getting shot at during patrols. I don’t miss Iraq as much as Afghanistan, though, and would easily do it again if I didn’t have background and mental health issues. The fact is, returning to war now would be interesting, as I don’t know if I would go crazy again and probably die. I’m more afraid of dying than getting shot at, and frankly, during my career in the military, I was always more scared of PT tests (I sometimes failed them and was self-conscious about it) than going outside and getting shot at. I just felt that I was more nervous in training than in actual combat situations. I just feel different. During training in Afghanistan, I was nervous talking to the jets, even though I was in a safe area, more so than during actual Troops In Contact situations.

And now that I’m trans (Male to Female), who knows if I would actually deploy and serve with people who don’t like that fact, and so on. Getting the necessary support, especially with this administration, has been all over the news. Given that we’re a small minority, it just boggles the mind how it’s the new Bogeyman. Anyway, enough on how I feel about that issue. But it is a factor and would therefore affect where I would be sent. Would I actually do my old job? Being a JFO (Joint Forward Observer) is a cool job, and I’ve never regretted being one. I had a great time in Afghanistan, where I did my MOS job, unlike Iraq, which had its cool moments, but overall it’s just one of those things that you think of nowadays, stuff that I could have done longer if I hadn’t gone into a mental health crisis during my MFO (Multinational Forces Observer) deployment.

Anyway, the more I talk about what I did, and not why I want to go back, is a thing. I know that if I could return, I would go Active Duty, not Army National Guard. There, you do your job every day, so you’re busy with Army stuff. But then again, I’d wait until I was back in a real competent administration, rather than the shitshow we have now.